I saw my ex narc three times at the office in the past 10 weeks, just passing by, but it still gave me chills. She has controlled me (or attempted) most of my life, and now that our mom passed away, I have finally had enough and put my foot down and told her clearly and with no emotion that our relationship died with Mom. She has never let go of me- I have been “no contact” for many years, but it does not matter. Dad is a little out of touch. What if the narc never hoovered back in this way? He’s sketchy and I’ve already pinned him as a very manipulative borderline narcissist. I was no response which doesn’t actually work, even though I wasn’t responding when I received a text from him it set me back ten steps. And I was absolutely miserable. That’s horrible! At that point I knew I had to get away and leave this crazy guy alone because he had been telling me lies this whole time. I always answer because a part of me still loves her. He never saw that .. Always so nice and sweet and kind for the first week or so, inviting me over, cooking dinner for me — then goes back to the same old crap, accusing me of horrible disgusting behavior with every man I’ve ever known. So in a sense, it actually helps my recovery. Didnt wish her happy birthday for the first time like I always did nor congratulate her on her graduation from college. after 5 horrible yrs. I feel like I’m under a dark cloud and can’t get out. This is it, final straw. Even as I write these words, I recoil at the thought, cringe at such an absolute notion of humanity. And for those who do get help, unless the therapist understand, truly understands, narcissism and how it works/how to treat it, like another commenter pointed out, the narc will simply charm the therapist and really, the therapist just becomes another source of narc supply. Sometimes its so difficult to try to comprehend not loving someone that you are in love with. Then if she shows up at my house just call the police to tell her to leave. It was such a long relationship that transpired over my formative years, and he erased who I was, and made it so that I was never becoming anything, that now I’m not sure I know how to be a person. If you ever cried over a man, perhaps you got some parental encouragement. That is why you need this confession spell for a cheating lover to make them confess any cheating activity that they have been doing behind your back. I am so thankful to you Savanah.pure luck brought me to your website lol. Although usually referring to an Italian meal made of noodles with sauce, spaghetti can be used as a form of slang to mean an embarrassing act, general awkwardness or faux pas. It’s been 2 yrs since my ex fiance broke 4 of my ribs and still did the same yours did. Out of nowhere again he asked if he could move back in and stupid me said yes. In the practice of hoodoo/rootwork/conjure, men are warned not to accept drinks or foods, especially dark colored drinks or soups or stews, from women who are strangers or who are suspected of being witches.One of the activities associated with witches is that they will sneak some of their menstrual blood into a man's food or drink in order to have power over him and control him. I emailed saying pleas don’t email me or come around my house anymore etc etc…. Abuse on top of abuse & not just one person, quite a few. He was my best friend and I loved him and ended up cheating on him with a narc that was a friend of ours. Many of us go into no contact feeling strong and determined to be done with all the madness and then out of nowhere a text message comes in. I wish I had known about “no contact” it seems like the saving grace. Do you want to look back in despair in your final days that you spent your entire life being unhappy and controlled by another human being? I was told by a family member today, (he doesn’t know her), that he texted her Happy Thanksgiving. I’ve been combing the internet for something that pretty thoroughly explains how a narcissistic ex tries to come back, complete with full examples. She also would get upset with me and just act like she didn’t care and would tell me she was going to go out. She then continued to say “it’s not mine, my friend made this profile of me. I was no contact for over 9 months, he tried and he tried and I never responded. They look for people like me, those who give freely to make all family members happy, especially her. He would say that he never run me down, shouted at me or swore at me but it was abuse because he tried to isolate me and make me doubt my own mind while playing Mr Perfect and showering me with expensive gifts, weekends and holidays as well as making my life easier by me ‘not having to work so much.’ One day I just though, ‘Is this what I think of myself, that I can let someone do this to me?’ And I decided to change I realised that my husband was probably a narcissist too and I just spend most of the marriage making excuses and after the break up trying to get along with him despite verbal and emotional abuse. Don’t worry about a thing because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you generous loving people. I ignored them and Friday night he showed up at my door. All the times I’ve spent with him, he was secretly thinking in his head ‘how can I bring this bitch down and keep her there’. I don’t know these people! Thank you so much for every ones comment, and tragedies. I caught her in so many lies. Work on loving yourself. He has never put his hands on me in a bad way, but from researching It could happen. This reaction formation helps him deal with and manage his own inner-conflict, and by being so openly and forcefully opposed to cheating, he's trying to convince others, as well as himself, that he's not really a cheater. I am planning for the day I tell him to leave our home and that I want a divorce. Why you should be worried: I’m not saying it’s always monkey-see-monkey-do, but if he starts talking about his buddies cheating in a way that makes it sound justified or even attractive, then it’s a red flag. It sad to say I spent 10 years of my life dealing with him. Looking forward to starting MY life again…thanks so much! I will keep reading, hopefully be able to make my break with a narcissist that has had me “fooled” for over 10 years. They’re only interested in what they’re feeling. I saw rage that was terrifying – it was like a devil had taken over. She even cheated on me and contacted him during our whole 2 yr relationship and that showed how much she doesnt care about me or even him, but just herself. It took me some time to realize that he’s an N. Only because of cognitive dissonance that we face as victims, and also because he was covert and very slick! I used his very tactics against him. He doesn’t have too many real, close relationships in his life. he started throwing accusations at me. It’s not been a week since I put him out. Even being able to recognize he’s love bombing me isn’t enough, because I keep getting sucked back in! Well, as soon as he could see I was still hung up on him, he dropped the effort. That’s exactly what he does.. he won’t let me go. I went no contact w My narc x 18 Mo ago after divorce. I since went no contact , plus I heard he found a new victim. I have been NC for a fortnight now but this is the 3rd time I have gone NC. You have to ask yourself why you are doing no contact. He would try everything to get me back but luckily I was smart and strong enough to not go back and walk away. For 17 years she was a stay home mother/wife. It’s exhausting. I’m starting to pick up the pieces of my life and come to realize I’m so better off without this credent and I wish him nothing but Karma for all he’s done. Again nothing to do with me . You do so much for them for them to find excuses why they can’t get a job and pay their bills,holidays, place of our own etc you know pleasures of being an item but they accept late night calls from women and it’s not their fault they just helping a “friend” out who’s ill down and out so you keep quiet eventhough they know you ain’t happy and say just cos I’m not responding how you want me too you make a fuss so I leave and every time he would plead to take me back they love hearing you cry it’s like they wanna keep you on repeat like a record. Breaking my stuff) I moved out and went no contact with all of them immediately. She did this multiple of times. This is spoken to me as well as to you. When they leave and don’t come back you are one of the lucky ones. He might be trying to focus on any trait of yours that could supply him with a justification for cheating, no matter how slim. I wasn’t dumb knew it was all game told him I wouldn’t get back with him ever and he never have me as his gf again!! Someone else’s problem! He’s so hot, etc.”. How can someone say they are in love with you and be flirting on the side, hurting people to make themselves feel better. I too was dating a Narc for a year. I never said anything to him bc I started planning my escape. And He had been sending porno stuff over the ph with @ least 4 diff ph no’s that got me pretty upset . I was crushed. I have been in a relationship with a narc for 6 months. Everything goes so well for him whilst I’m left struggling with 3kids no family no friends no career and he loves it. They are both misanthropes, they both use and manipulate people it is however for different reasons. Why wont he stop this? This came in the nick of time..its been two weeks since I’ve heard from my N…and I’ve never felt better…a couple of weeks ago..he was doing the whole back and forth game with me and I had finally had enough..we have a child and I had asked him for something for her..he ignored me for days..so I blocked him from calling me..he started sending me emails..I sent them to my spam box..I didn’t respond until I saw a message where he said he had came by my house…I snapped on him but haven’t said any else to him because I don’t have nothing to say to him..yesterday I read this about 5 times..and this basically confirms everything..because in the past I fell for every hook he sunk into me but not anymore..like I said..I haven’t seen him in two weeks and I pray to God he stays away from me and my child..thanks for this post Savannah!!!!!!!! Finally she decided to break up with me 6 months ago. That was Crystal. i have reserved a trip to Europe I Need it. Leaving my narcissist ex has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He decided to “break up” with me. I searched out this subject and came across this in my google search. But what if he comes back. I always am made to feel like I am absolutely batshit nuts whenever I voice any of these concerns. You see, I am in retirement but don’t officially end my career until three years from now. Can someone help me please? Bottom line…….. You have to dig and find your strength. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Always talking to me I didn’t even like him at first and told him I didn’t want releationship but of course N ppl are very controlling and get what they want, so he mad sure he did everything he did to get into my life. I then told her to leave me alone. He keeps texting me and I respond only because I’m scared of what he may do. I had tried to just let things fizzle out but hed always come back and make me feel guilty and i would think it was because he loved me but hed never say he did. When I’m sad I think about all the bad things he’s told me to belittle me and tells me stuff like he hopes my rain gutters fall off since I don’t know how to clean them and I should clean them like how he cleans his.. How he tells me to do more squats.. And tells me I don’t know how to care for a man when he’s sick and that my care is equivalent to medi-cal … All I can do is stare in disbelief about everything that comes out of his mouth… Would never ever come out of mine …. Too many carbs. Best of luck to all! I challenged him, and went to his level. I got an AIDS test done and I’m negative, PRAISE the Lord!!!! Of course, it s sad, but you ll feel better down the road if you continue to stay strong and better for yourself. So what’s stopping him from doing it again? You come first. So.. when I gravitated to another narc ( surprise) and MARRIED him – I thought I could handle him. How do you distinguish between what is written in this article versus two people wanting to re connect and re establish a relationship in a positive and healthy way? I ignored. He makes false accusations to so many people and leaves me feeling shell shocked. Wow, reading these examples of texts is like reading my own phone periodically. I am a very strong woman and my ex husband (narc) of almost 14 years made up all kinds of lies about me – he tried for 9 months even after our divorce, and still tries, to make me believe that he is telling the truth and that I am lying or don’t remember that I did all these horrible things he accuses me of. And, yikes. I have to go to this thing, and I’m not sure what to do…. It's not that hard to make your husband or boyfriend feel jealous. I am divorcing my N after 18 years, we have 2 kids. She’s doing all she can to get a response. I told him over 2 mos ago when he threatened divorce, to go ahead. always remember that when you feel weak! I hated myself more! When I get an urge to call him .. My prayers are with all of you, that you remember that you are meant to be free and happy! It really is torture. living with a full blown N. 5 yrs. I really needed to read this today also. IT is hard to do totally on your own. Every day you manage to stay away from this sickening experience you allow yourself to heal and make that space for the relationship of your dreams. We have no kids together so the balls in my court. 13 years is a very long time and you obviously have been conditioned. He would leave a voicemail every week – like clockwork. she only got worse. The question is: Will he leave me alone, OR Will he now try to become forceful by actually seeing me in person. Now, he was trying to act angry. To give you an example, it was like the equivalent of me saying “I totally want to be the best at spaghetti-making” and her telling me that she’s going to tell everyone my spaghetti sucked. Then when the “coast was clear” he would be right back in business with his extra activities. We’ve communicated for the entire time until I finally lied to him saying I was on a retreat for a month. This healing is sort of like rehab, you get addicted to the highs and you just want to feel it one more time but I’m telling you the low will always be following and that’s no way to live. We have been separated since 2012 so I am well removed emotionally and last year August bumped into my childhood sweetheart from 30 years back. In reading this blog and the comments, I feel for so many of us who have been victims of a narcissist. He never stopped trying either he went so hard to get me. They are USERS!!!! NO MORE!!! He kept making promises that he or his family would pay me back – he moved in with me right away , pretending he was only going to stay a few days. I’m staying prayed up, faithful and my eyes on God because I personally believe that these types of people are spiritually possesed. I’m blocking him bc I choose myself and I need someone in my life that’s not going to manipulate me. All of the hurt and anger and pain. Would you keep no contact and have him wonder why you went dark, when I never did before? I am so thankful to find this site. The last relationship was so bad I had to look at myself and re-evaluate all my previous relationships including the ones I had with my parents as a child. This website has showed me the importance of NO CONTACT. She would tell me I said something wrong so therefore I was punished, and she slept in my daughter’s bedroom. He said he was going to set me on fire and harm my family (who says that???) But I am expected to take full responsibility. NEVER. not a mental case. At first i couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have found this cool fella, always in contact, affectionate, always wanted to be around me. Of course he didn’t change only got worse. they will waste yours away with time. No spaghetti for me, I guess. All the listed symptoms, definitions, and actions by a narcissist, fit her completely. I wasn’t allowed to go out, wouldn’t even be allowed just at my girl mates houses In case one of them would bring a guy round. Pray for me. But before that I pleaded to Christ, please I will walk out this time lord give me strength, heal me! About an hour before we were supposed to leave, my wife advised she got a call from her parents and she had to go downstairs because the content of the conversation was none of my business. As soon as we got together he begins to start controlling me treating me like shit, going MIA and just doing things that didn’t feel right. Hope this helps. NOT. I don’t think I want to have a romantic relationship again. “Oh, my friend Johnny gave this to me. as I was for 5 long miserable years..be strong and carry on! BE RUDE! I have a 2 year old daughter and now 3 months pregnant. Albeit it’s via text message, but you’re still engaging with him. So I sujested 4 him to go get us something sweet We share nothing – have no kids – and he can GO. The biggest differences I think are that a Narcissist needs people like a drug addict needs their drugs, they derive their sense of self-worth externally from other people, so they constantly need to look for and feed off of the emotions of other’s. Trust me, what’s underneath is full of rage and hate (self-directed) and tremendous insecurity and lack of any real self-worth. None of it is sincere. Yeah she’s saying all the things I want to hear now and she sounds sincere but I know that it’s all an act and if I get sucked in the abuse will eventually start up again. He is always invited to family gatherings in hopes that he will “come around”. Court date is set to garnish wages, demand monthly payments or hold him in Contempt of Court and I’ve been holding on to the letter for a week cuz I don’t want to start the contact (game) again. Back to him and his tattooed muscles. I’ve been no contact for two years now and recently he has started to hoover. Perhaps we can do it another time”, and give you the space to go and see to your own stuff. He showed no empathy or reaction towards the loss, just like everything else. Image courtesy of KEKO64 at freedigitalphotos.net. I had proof and he was still lying. I was with my exnarc for almost 3 years. I am so overwhelmed, I have tunnel vision when I think of her. 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